The Bridge Climb, AWESOME view!!!

Friday, June 11, 2010


Ok, so the last 2 weeks have been a food attitude struggle for me. I decided that during the 'break' between round 1 and 2 of the 12WBT I would maintain my weight of 77kgs, as both a test for me and a mental rest. Well... heeeeellooooo bad habits! I instantly went back to all those foods that helped me put on the weight in the first place! Thankfully, I now exercise as part of my day but what I found was that I got really lethargic and the sick, yuck feeling I got I don't think is worth it.
And now I am on night shift and my PT is away in China and all I want to do is go to the gym! How crazy! If someone had said to me back in January that I would miss going to the gym (especially Step and HiLo class) I would have rolled around on the floor laughing, and that rolling around in laughter would have been the most exercise that I did back then!
So, I need to pull my head in and get organised with my food. At some level I wonder if it is my way off self sabotage? I'm so close to my goal and I wonder if the comments, compliments and people noticing me now that didn't before is playing on my subconscience. I once heard someone say that it's crazy to be fearful of loosing weight. I don't agree.
Part of putting the weight on for me was to create a barrier where I felt safe because people left me alone. Now that I'm looking damn fine... ah yeah... I'm finding that I am being included more in social events and I don't get that invisible feeling that I felt so safe behind and that is scary. It's scary for someone like me, I have a degree of agoraphobia that has moved past the being stuck in my house for 3 months but I'm not yet at the stage where shopping centres don't freak the living daylight out of me, I'm somewhere in the middle. And so fear of being 'socially acceptable' is real and something that I have to face and overcome if I want to be successful for my future. This is now my challenge.
How weird, now that I've put it out there it doesn't seem to have as much control over me. I better get back to work though, and I have some organising to do for this weeks meals...